Why I Sit

I like the word sit as opposed to meditate because meditate feels too heavy.

I practice a technique called Vipassana - a Pali word that means to introspect, or to see things as they are, as taught by S.N Goenka in a 10 day course. I started a few months ago. I try to sit for 2 hours a day, once in the morning and once in the evening.

I’m not an “expert” by any means. I barely remember what I’m trying to do, most of the time I’m sitting.

I sit:

  • To more intimately understand my own suffering and how it stems from my selfishness, egocentrism, ignorance, past conditioning and all the bullshit I carry in me.

  • To build a mind that holds more peace.

  • To better understand my feelings: how they arise, the sensations that accompany them, how long they last, and how they lead to states of peace or suffering.

  • To be more aware of, and to understand, how my actions make me feel, and how they make others feel.

  • To remind myself, through experience, how inner balance leads to compassion - and to see how little of both I have.

  • To give me the space to choose actions that lead to greater peace for myself and those I interact with.

  • To see in myself the faults I see in others - at even greater magnitudes.

  • To remind myself of the goals that matter in life: to understand what my mind is, how it works, to train it to be more peaceful and balanced for myself, and to bring more peace to those I interact with.

  • To remind myself that I have no idea the kinds of minds others were born with - so comparing based on age or any other dimension makes absolutely no sense.

  • To witness how every moment my ego raises its head, I suffer.

  • To have humility beaten into me by life - every moment. To have no choice in the matter.

  • To be aware of just how much my mind craves. And how much I suffer as a result.

  • To see all the bullshit habits of my mind that stem from craving to want to be seen a certain way by those around me. I crave to be seen as a useful, impactful, “successful” human being.

  • To see all the suffering, lack of peace and the lack of compassion that my bullshit craving causes me.

  • To take a step back from the noise and commotion in my mind. In the world.

  • To be able to tolerate myself a bit better. To have compassion for myself. To be more patient with myself.

  • To laugh at myself, at my ignorance, at my stupidity.

  • To smile at all of us - at how we’ve culturally prioritized things that take us away from peace and balance - individual and collective.

  • To see how little choice I had in the past. To see how little choice I have now. To work to have slightly more choice - so that I can choose to suffer a bit less.

  • To feel my decay. To feel my death. To remind myself of impermanence.

  • To let go.

  • To be more comfortable with constant change within myself.

  • To notice how change triggers fear and discomfort within me, and to reduce reacting reacting with discomfort.

Why I sit changes regularly. Will try to update this post regularly.