I like the word sit as opposed to meditate because meditate feels too heavy.
I practice a technique called Vipassana - a Pali word that means to introspect, or to see things as they are, as taught by S.N Goenka in a 10 day course. I started a few months ago. I try to sit for 2 hours a day, once in the morning and once in the evening.
I’m not an “expert” by any means. I barely remember what I’m trying to do, most of the time I’m sitting.
To more intimately understand my own suffering and how it stems from my selfishness, egocentrism, ignorance, past conditioning and all the bullshit I carry in me.
To build a mind that holds more peace.
To better understand my feelings: how they arise, the sensations that accompany them, how long they last, and how they lead to states of peace or suffering.
To be more aware of, and to understand, how my actions make me feel, and how they make others feel.
To remind myself, through experience, how inner balance leads to compassion - and to see how little of both I have.
To give me the space to choose actions that lead to greater peace for myself and those I interact with.
To see in myself the faults I see in others - at even greater magnitudes.
To remind myself of the goals that matter in life: to understand what my mind is, how it works, to train it to be more peaceful and balanced for myself, and to bring more peace to those I interact with.
To remind myself that I have no idea the kinds of minds others were born with - so comparing based on age or any other dimension makes absolutely no sense.
To witness how every moment my ego raises its head, I suffer.
To have humility beaten into me by life - every moment. To have no choice in the matter.
To be aware of just how much my mind craves. And how much I suffer as a result.
To see all the bullshit habits of my mind that stem from craving to want to be seen a certain way by those around me. I crave to be seen as a useful, impactful, “successful” human being.
To see all the suffering, lack of peace and the lack of compassion that my bullshit craving causes me.
To take a step back from the noise and commotion in my mind. In the world.
To be able to tolerate myself a bit better. To have compassion for myself. To be more patient with myself.
To laugh at myself, at my ignorance, at my stupidity.
To smile at all of us - at how we’ve culturally prioritized things that take us away from peace and balance - individual and collective.
To see how little choice I had in the past. To see how little choice I have now. To work to have slightly more choice - so that I can choose to suffer a bit less.
To feel my decay. To feel my death. To remind myself of impermanence.
To let go.
To be more comfortable with constant change within myself.
To notice how change triggers fear and discomfort within me, and to reduce reacting reacting with discomfort.
Why I sit changes regularly. Will try to update this post regularly.